April 12, 2004
Tasty treats
One of the more successful commercial commodities to emerge from the Easter time period are these little marshmellow peeps. In recent years, there has been a rash of experimentation conducted on the impact of environmental fluctuations to the common peep. Unfortunately, many of these experiments missed one of the prime areas of research, choosing to limit their study to the consequences of variable climate control to a peep, while ignoring the ramifications of a post-VCC'd peep on the environment. As such, the authors of paper began their study in the long-term effects of a peep and it's surroundings post climate fluctuation.
A long understood consequence of the introduction of microwaves into the peep environment is the rapid temporary augmentation of the formal structure of a peep. The most common side effect has been the non-uniform expansion of a peep during exposure, and the rapid contraction once said microwaves are removed. Often the fallout from such rapid structural alterations is the resultant peep is lesser in size from it's original form and a factor of rigidity is introduced.
Currently there are two major theories set forth to explain the addition of the rigidity property. The first theory hypothesizes that the exterior sugar coating becomes slightly moist during the expansion (after all, expanding is hard work and a peep has gotta sweat). Upon contraction, the sugar begins to crystalize, locking out valuable moisture needed to revitalize the peep. This process essentially dehydrates the peep, forcing it to conserve moisture for future life. The second theory introduces the meme that peeps themselves do not enjoy undergoing the rapid property changes. Seeing as a peep has no mouth to vocalize discontent nor limbs with which to escape with, it is forced to a utilize a mean of silent rebellion. It seems a peep is able to hold a grudge for a long time, as the rigid property has not been lost over a 5 month period of time.
Though the peep may in fact not enjoy the contraction period, while the peep is at it's largest expansion point it does in fact become a viable threat to the environment. In the few seconds before complete contraction can be achieved, it is possible to exploit a peeps' about to be induced rigidity factor by using the peep has a high powered super-glue. The quick transference of a peep from the point of microwave radiation to an alternate destination, such as a the crack between a closed door and a door frame, will result in the peep binding the two as the rigid form takes hold.
As such, we successfully conclude that super heated peeps work as an excellent adhesive yet to be exploited by the commercial industry.
Posted by Dan at April 12, 2004 03:53 PM